Flip It Around. What’s Your Next Move?
- April 10, 2018
- For Parents
So, here’s a question for you (or a few).
How many of you occasionally freeze up or blank out when put on the spot? …become frustrated when your child or someone around you can’t respond quickly enough? We all process information, thoughts and questions SO differently from one another and in various ways throughout each day dependent on a variety of factors.
I was recently working with a teen who happens to have a lot on her plate. She has been struggling with making good choices and peer pressure and has gotten herself into some trouble as of late. One of the goals she has set for herself in our coaching is “make choices in my own best interest”. I love this particular goal because it allows us the opportunity to step back and look at all of the possible perspectives and outcomes of each choice. Very quickly, she realized that this is far easier said than done.
Many of us panic when the spotlight is on us. Often we laugh about how well we can do certain things for others, but can’t seem to do the same for ourselves or our families.
Today’s strategy is derived from this phenomenon.
Flip it around. Take the focus off of him/her/you.
We tried this approach, and while it did not immediately result in her magically making all of the “right” choices, it HAS proven to be an effective way to get around the wall that pops up when we attempt to look objectively at ourselves.
When we looked at her specific scenario with her not being the one affected, but rather as the sister watching her younger sibling be presented with the same situation, an entirely different mindset was engaged. Again, this will not guarantee an immediate internalization; however, it can be a very powerful strategy in taking steps to begin to problem solve and generate ideas, advice and guidance and to analyze choices more clearly.
Go ahead. Try it.
Choose something specific in your life, and step back and apply it to others. Ask your children or those around you to try it as well.
What if it were your child/sibling/best friend/parent who was faced with the scenario/decision? How would you guide them? What would you ask? What are the potential consequences of the decision?
I have found that once we take the focus (and resulting pressure) off of him/her/us, it becomes an entirely different ball game.
Ask how your child would handle it if he/she were the parent (you may have to entertain silly responses at first of course!). Ask what might they do or advise if this were their best friend or sibling. Let us know how it goes.
For more information and access to tools, guides, and other tips, visit us on the web at www.Solutionsforstudentsuccess.com. Or Contact Solutions for Student Success for a free consultation on how to develop Executive Functioning Skills.